I don’t seem to fit in with any niche.
Being socially awkward is what I describe as being stuck in a personal hell that has glass windows where you can see and occasionally smile at people who pass by. Some people understand but a lot of people just don’t or don’t care to understand (at least in my own personal experience). I’ve never really found my place anywhere from high school to even in online groups. I’ve always felt like I was just there and not important in any way. I blended in with the walls. Sure, I had two or three good friends. But I only keep in contact sparsely with one since high school and those teen years that I wouldn’t necessarily want to experience again. You know the term resting b*tch face? I have one and, man, does it make me feel awful to learn that people actually thought I was stuck up instead of petrified out of my mind. My anxiety is so bad these days; I skip out going to doctor appointments or just stepping outside in general.
When it comes to book blogging, it’s kind of the same deal. I watch other bloggers on their own blogs and on twitter and really want to interact but that glass window still there.
Making friends is still not easy even though similar interests are there.
I’m amazed at how many friendships other bloggers can maintain. It seems like they have the ability of making friends at the flip of a switch. I have no charisma (unless you agree potatoes—like myself–with the tendency to turn red as a tomato is something special) and probably come across awkward or aloof-ish when I do tweet or comment to other people.
I don’t have anyone close to me who enjoys books or much less talks about them (unless you count manga, I have a few people who are not book bloggers, but share an interest in a certain manga with me). I also don’t follow fandoms (tumblr and the like) behind the really big books. I suppose my problem is if I reach out to someone first I’m afraid they’ll think I’m bothering them, so I’m stuck in the just being there space.
I’m not talented or interesting.
I don’t write the best reviews. I don’t have coding, designing, or any special talent. I can’t even think of or finish writing a discussion post 99.9% of the time. I know this isn’t supposed to be important in the book blogging sphere. It’s supposed to be about books and enjoying the hobby, but it doesn’t always feel like that. It’s like being the invisible kid in the classroom again, even though I know it shouldn’t be thought of that way.
What kind of challenges do you personally face or can you relate to mine?